Saturday, February 25, 2012

League Business: Never say die!

Goonies. Where are they now?

The third weekly assignment of the League was to propose a sequel to an 80s or 90s movie with kids. I probably chose the obvious one: The Goonies. Why? Most of the other movies I wanted to write about already had sequels (That Figures took care of that), I can't stand Tom Cruise, so Michael May can keep him, and the other one I wanted, Labyrinth, was already done by Christopher Tupa, so I went with the one he originally wanted: Goonies.

Here's the sequel I thought of, done today, with less innocence and a bit more cynicism, and probably directed by Guy Ritchie. The title of the film is "Never say die",  I'll use the characters to tell the story:

                                                               Mikey (Sean Astin)

Became a writer and had a moderate success with two series of adventure books for kids: Goonies and The Tales of One-Eyed Willie. But it's been five years since he published anything and is experiencing writer's block for the first time in his life.

                                                                  Brand (Josh Brolin)

He got married with his high school girlfriend, Andy, and they tried for years to have a child with no success. Thinking it's his fault he started drinking and Andy eventually kicked him out because of his problems with alcohol. He sells cars and asks Mikey if he can stay at his house for a while. When Mikey sees him like that, he forges a fake treasure map with some research he was doing for his next book and wants to reunite the old gang to cheer him up, Brand thinks it's rather stupid, but he's to wasted to argue.

                                                                 Chunk (Jeff Cohen)

After the cops shot Sloth to death thinking he was an out of control monster, Chunk lost his positive spirit and trusting nature. He also lost a lot of weight. He owns a strip club called the Truffle shuffle. When Mikey calls him him immediately says no.

                                              Mouth (Corey Haim... Feldman, I mean Feldman)

Became a local radio DJ, and he has a pretty decent fan base. He decides to go with Mikey and Brand to do a piece on treasure hunting, he carries a voice recorder and never shuts up.

                                                           Data (Jonathan Ke Quan)

He made a lot of money with the patents for some of his inventions, founded several companies but eventually grew bored of all of them, he now owns a company that makes iphone apps. He accepts the invitation to join the gang right away, he calls his secretary say he's not going to be available for a few days, puts on an overcoat and says he's very anxious to try some of his new inventions.

                                         The Fratelli brothers (Robert Davi and Joe Pantoliano)

 Mama Fratelli got the chair for murder and her two sons were next in line. But after the death of their mother, they escaped by killing two guards and wearing their clothes. Instead of hiding or fleeing, they decided to find the kids responsible for their mother's death and kill them. They eventually find them in the old mines where Mikey said the treasure was buried. Brand was calling Andy on his cell when they find them and start shooting. Brand asks for help.

                                                                 Andy (Kerri Green)

She eventually became a lawyer and got married to Brand. When he calls her she was with her friend Stef, not knowing why, she decides to take the call. Brand tells her he's with Data, Mouth and Mikey and he mentions the mine. That's when the Fratellis find the gang and start shooting at them, she asks Stef to help her and they go.

                                                                Stef (Martha Plimpton)

After college he got into politics, he had a fling with Mouth, she's very ashamed of that, especially because he keeps mentioning it in his radio show. She was visiting her friend Andy when she got Brand's call. Together they go get Chunk and head for the mine.

Then there will be a gun fight, more shenanigans with dynamite and one of the Goonies will get shot. Who? You'll have to watch the movie to find out.

Oh, and they find an actual treasure too.

Well, that was it. It's Oscar material, I'm telling you!

Until next time.

                                                                          In Memoriam


jboypacman said...

This should be made into a movie Tom!

Tom Freak said...

Thanks man, I'm talking to Hollywood right now about that! LOL